You've been invited to play the role of BLANCHE BATTERS in Murder at the Manor. Lord Heathcliff is throwing a swanky dinner party in honour of his new bride. All the usual suspects are there - the vicar, the cook, the professor - plus a few unusual ones. But dinner will never be served because Lord Heathcliff is hit over the head with a candlestick just as he's taking his customary afternoon swim. You're invited to find out who snuffed out his candle!

Your costume suggestion

Your pinafore and apron are dusted with flour (like the rest of you). You’re always hot and bothered so keep your hair covered and your sleeves rolled - to show off your tattoos!

About you...

Your mam always claimed you were born with a rolling pin in one hand. She never stopped blaming you for the injuries she suffered in childbirth. Her constant criticism continued throughout your childhood, normally related to your cooking ability of which she was jealous. Many times you pictured yourself sticking a fork in her during dinner but you comforted yourself by stealing the forks instead - something that would lead to a life of hard crime and hard time…

I’m Blanche Batters, the cook, and I do all the heavy lifting around here - by which I mean baking, boning, beating, and bashing steaks with a meat tenderizer. I was trained by the best and meanest teachers - mainly my mother, may she rest in pieces, and Arson Annie, who showed me how to flambé. I didn’t have much to do with Lord Heathcliff - I think he was too scared to visit the kitchen - but I’m sad he’s dead: he never once criticised my cooking. Anyway, at the time of the murder I was in the kitchen roasting His Lordship’s banana.